Since the first steps in the development of the internet we all cling to today, we have been getting closer to those we love, with physical distance seeming smaller when they are simply an email, Facebook message or tweet away. It is an amazing thing, how many times i go into restaurants today and see a family with at least two members totally absorbed in their phones and neglecting actual conversation. It is also an interesting phenomenon in how relationships move 10 times faster than they would have 50 years ago. With not having to wait until the 'next date' to talk, we just text! So between physically seeing one another, we can gain more knowledge about the other person in a much shorter space of time, with conversations spanning several days that would of been spread over 4 or 5 dates spanning several weeks.
So this all sounds great right? Well, it is, but it's like in an episode of black mirror where they can play back their memories. It means we can look back over conversations we have had and analyse which speaking as a female, is so often done too much. Plus we have the whole 'seen' phenomenon whereby we are notified when someone has 'seen' the message we have sent, this leads to a growing paranoia breeding questions such as 'Why hasn't he replied if he's seen my message?', 'Could he be talking to other girls instead of replying to me?', 'Did i say something wrong?'. Its a snowball of fears and doubts that are all started by this one little word 'Seen'. It's interesting as well the amount of anger it can breed, as if replying to Facebook messages is all people actually do in their lives. It's like with instant messaging we expect the replies to be actually that, 'instant'. For me i give up to 12 hours for a reply, and i am rarely disappointed, after that, I'm assuming i'm being ignored. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if there were some online etiquette handbook to put all these fears to rest would it?
The internet sure is great though, i mean we can now also hear about everyone's relationships as if we were actually stood in the room in which they are screaming at each other from. It makes me laugh how people really do pour all their ins and outs onto Facebook, which can in the long run be somewhat more harmful to a relationship than good for them. It only takes a few minutes for a current girlfriend to surf a boyfriends Facebook wall and find statuses from only 6 months before saying about how 'in love' he and his ex were. It is of course fine as it is understandable that everyone has a past, but doesn't always leave YOU with the best feeling.
It is a minefield, it's like we have access to all this information now and all i want to do is scream 'PUT ME BACK IN THE DARK' sometimes! It can be far more self destructive looking through someones Facebook who you are currently dating only to find a stream of photos of him and like 50 different girls that have gone before you. They say you determine someones attractiveness within 7 seconds of meeting them, but how long does it take to write someone off after judging them on some online material? If truth be told, i tend not to Facebook friend people i'm seeing to prevent such upsets and questions in early days. The person i am in fact currently seeing and I have a rule that he won't read my blog. We both agree that what he thinks of my material shouldn't interfere with what we think of each other, and it works. I get to write what i want without worrying about what he thinks, and he doesn't have to read, and be possibly terrified by my opinions!
Anyway, a little food for thought people!
Do any of you have relationships rules for communication online? Anyone had a relationship ruined by online antics? Anyone experienced that paranoia over 'seen messages' not being replied to? Drop me a comment peoples!
Atargatis, Over and Out! xxx
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