So in this modern day we are no longer simply single or in a relationship, as E.L James suggests, there are not only 50 shades to people but also to the relationship dynamic these days. I mean even Facebook offers the 'open relationship' and 'its complicated' as a legitimate relationship status, is it any wonder we are all waking around asking the terrifying questions 'what is this?' And 'where is this going'? It seems crazy but in a fast paced world full of drunken one night stands and easy to come by sex is it becoming even more vital to protect yourself and establish the rules early on?
But how early is too early? If you've been having feelings for someone for just a few weeks is it too soon to ask questions that can put so much pressure on an individual? On one hand you don't want it to be so soon that is scares the crap out of your potential partner and sends them running for the hills, but on the other you don't want to wait too long only to discover that significant other you've been pining for has been sleeping with every random drunken stranger they happen to stumble across.
How people feel about the definition of relationships today is dramatically different than it would have been 50 years ago with relationship types ranging from fully committed all the way down to fuck buddy. The way people feel about defining relationships varies hugely too, with some guys wanting to make it official after just one week of intense texting to men and women still happy with a casual set up after over a year. It's my opinion that a one month period is long enough to establish where things are going if anywhere but like I said, I've been with people that disagree with me on this amount of time and are ready to run for the door after any hint of a commitment being necessary.
It's a hard but very true fact that if your hearing the 'i'm not really looking for anything' or the 'i don't know what i want' lines then usually the furthest that relationship will go will be a casual one. It's a common problem that an individual believes that they are the exception to the rule, when in fact if someone doesn't want or isn't ready for a relationship it perhaps doesn't matter how perfect you seem for each other, it just wont work. The thing about relationships is if one of you is always doing most of the work, making most of the effort or sending the first text it usually won't work either. I mean if one person was supposed to make all the effort, we would all be perfectly content being single our whole lives. It's also easy to get too attached nowadays, with the growing number of categories for a relationship to fall into meaning that hurt is perhaps not more inevitable but far more likely. The thing is, communication with these issues is key, without establishing whats going on early, and having rules in place you can end up wasting large stretches of time either in denial, or deluded as to the true nature of what is going on in the head of the other person. It's easy to analyse and analyse, but until you've actually heard something from the horses mouth, nothing swimming around in your hormone ridden psyche should be taken as fact.
Has this ruined any true notion of romance for us now? With courting 50 years ago having an inevitable and clearly defined finish line and goal, does the wide variety of relationship types now ruin the journey of getting to know someone. On the contrary, i believe it makes it all the more exciting, and with less social stigma on being in a committed relationship and marriage, we know that when someone decides to make that commitment, it is what they truly want, and not what they assume they should do next.
It has also come to my attention that people put incredible amounts of pressure on themselves to ask these questions, when perhaps this leads to paranoia which can cause more problems than good. If someone is devouring your every thought and you are dropping the majority of your single life to spend pretty much all of your time with them be sure that you both understand that you have the freedom to be your own person and that time apart doesn't mean you aren't close. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you become one person, and as usual i give the old advice, don't drop your friends, where a guy may not always be there, friendship will.
So whats your favourite type of relationship? Or do you just prefer being single? How long is too long to wait to ask the important questions about defining a relationship in your opinion?
Drop me a comment!
Atargatis over and out! xxx
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