University, especially for freshers is one of those places that induces all kinds of bad habits. The question is, when do this habits become a vicious cycle and how do we break these cycles and move forward. As any fresher (except possible law students and science students) will tell you, the first year is a bit of a doss compared to A levels. This leaves us time, to keep things tidy, create a more healthy balance between work and play, and most of all, take up hobbies and increase or better our skill sets as individuals. But then that's the thing, does anyone actually take advantage of all this free time to better themselves in the first year? Um, from my experience, not in the slightest. So many people (including myself) are happy to settle for second best or simply hanging around their flat eating super noodles, going out getting pissed, then lather, rinse repeat as needed. So how the hell do you break a vicious cycle?
It could be said that the most vicious of cycles involve relationships, when two people continue to have the same arguments, never reaching a resolution, or when an issue is resolved in theory the problematic behaviour still carries on. It's even harder to break a vicious cycle when feelings are involved and you are trying to hang on to someone, even when they are no good to you at all. Sometimes a vicious cycle will transcend a single person, in a single relationship, and the cycle will include several people. Could it be then that we should try going for someone we are in fact not attracted to or would never usually attempt a relationship with? Or are we all just stuck falling for the same type of people, with the same emotional issues and all in all, leading into the same soul shattering conclusion of pain and heartbreak over and over and over again?
I cannot accept this, and personally, as i am currently attempting to break a vicious cycle with my own relationship pattern, i cannot help but hope someone will come along and change everything, breaking it for me. But what if it isn't the other persons fault and someone else can't fix it, heaven forbid i think it, but could it be perhaps MY fault. It's a tough thing to think but sometimes when in a vicious cycle one has to ask, is this really a vicious cycle, Or just a very long sequence of shitty luck? Is it something i am doing, knowing the outcome will be the same but still attempting it anyway? I mean isn't the definition of madness doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? It's an interesting idea to think that perhaps when having had a string of bad relationships, maybe it isn't a cycle at all, but just the way of the world. Now always leaving work until the last minute, KNOWING that it will cause panic and lower quality product, THAT'S definitely a vicious cycle, especially when one, as so many people i know, vows never to do it again, only to find themselves 3 months down the line doing an assignment that's due in the next day.
The other thing about university is whether we like it or not, it's full of people doing drugs and drinking heavily. It's easy when you first leave home to go through the whole 'kid in a candy store' phase, but seriously people, trust me, your roommates tend to get pissed off when they repeatedly find you in a puddle of your own urine/vomit every morning. Not that i'm saying once in a while isn't to be expected, but there will always be one or two people that can't help but lose control of themselves, over and over again, despite the consequences to those around them or to detriment of their own lives. This in itself is a vicious cycle, because the more we indulge these substances the more we rely on them.
It's a well known saying 'forgive and forget' but what do you do when you are stuck in a vicious cycle with a friend? Maybe they're always cancelling to spend time with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or letting things 'slip accidentally' that you've told them in confidence. Maybe they are simply leaving the lid of the bin open creating an awful smell. How many times is too many times to forgive and forget, when do we stand up for ourselves and speak our minds, or simply just walk away? It's a well known fact that the best friendships are built on a foundation of white lies and mutual hate of the same people nowadays, but how many times is it acceptable to overlook bad behaviour when it starts being to the detriment of our own feelings?As a 'hard' person i want to say you explain the problem once and then consider cutting them out of your life if things don't change, but then again, that's a little harsh. It's true that two dots make a line not a pattern, and so surely we should give at least 3 warnings before we fly completely off the handle.
It's a sad fact that the nicest people are always the ones who get walked over the most, usually because they give so many chances and want to try everything before giving up on an individual. But it really is true nowadays that everyone should put themselves before anyone else. We have to protect ourselves, and look out for us before we can be there for anyone else.
If it's out of fear you are stuck in a cycle, maybe fear of being alone, fear of losing a friend or maybe even fear of the unknown, don't be. The only way life can get better if you are in a cycle such as the ones i have describe is to move forward and break that cycle. This life is what you make it, and is not awfully long, so what we should do above anything else is pursue happiness as if it were the last doughnut on earth, ruthlessly and without mercy to the people around us. It sounds harsh, but fuck it people, the only person who can make you happy is you. So get to it!
Any advice or thoughts on vicious cycles? You know what to do!
Atargatis, now prepping for pursuit of happiness, and possibly some food, Over and out! xx
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